Knowing God

A few weeks ago in my women's group (we are currently reading Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World), we were discussing our difficulty in trusting God. One reason for this challenge was because we do not know God. And then shortly after, I was given the book "Knowing God" written by J.I. Packer (thanks Ling!). Since then, I haven't been able to put this book down.

When I ask myself whether or not I know God, I am embarrassed and ashamed to say that I do not. He has been a presence in my life from the moment I was conceived and yet I cannot say that I know God at all. I know things about God but I do not know God. Yes, there is a difference. I do not know God because I have trouble trusting him. And rightly so because how can one be expected to trust one does not know?  It comes as a surprise how apt I am at stating this claim and yet I remain in my ways, as if I was satisfy with not knowing the Creator of all things.

But I'm not. I am dissatisfied, frustrated and confused, often times, crushed and torn. I don't understand! If the reason for all this is because I do not know God then I say now that I truly desire to know my Savior. I desire to understand the one who determines my life, to trust him and follow him and recognize his voice amongst the noise. I want to know the One who knows me more intimately than I know myself. In fact, I don't even know myself at all!

Perhaps the reason I do not know God is because all these years, I have never taken the time to get to know him. I was set on simply knowing about him, confusing myself with thoughts that it was the same. In the past, I have convinced myself repeatedly that QTs and Daily Devotions are over-rated. I will not force myself to spend time w/ God (yes, I know I lack discipline and am rebellious through and through). But during these last few weeks when my heart was heavily burdened by care and concern for my friends, I forced myself to pray each and every single day for them. During these time spent in prayer with my heavenly Father, I heard him speak, more loudly and more clearly than ever. In my feeble attempt to council my friends with the Word of God, I found not only knowledge and wisdom but my own comfort as God revealed himself to me. There is great joy in knowing God.

And so to this end, I'm ending this Live Out Loud series. I think I've been living too loud and have not been still enough, for it is written, "Be still and know that I am God." At the turn of the new year, I will begin the writings on my journey of knowing God more intimately and dearly. Stay tuned if you want to KNOW! =)

 

Knowing You (All I Once Held Dear)
Words and Music by Graham Kendrick

All I  once held dear, built my life upon,

All this world reveres and wars to own;

All I once thought gain I  have counted loss,

Spent and worthless now compared to this.

 

Knowing You, Jesus,knowing You

There is no greater thing.

You're my all, You're the best,

You're my joy, my righteousness,

And I love You Lord.

 

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,

To be found in You and known as Yours,

To possess by faith what I could not earn

All surpassing gift of righteousness.

 

Knowing You, Jesus,knowing You

There is no greater thing.

You're my all, You're the best,

You're my joy, my righteousness,

And I love You Lord.

 

Oh to know the power of Your risen life,

And to know You in Your sufferings;

To become like You in Your death, my Lord,

So with You to live and never die.