sleep is so over-rated

It's 2:30AM, September 2. The last time I slept was 1:30AM September 1 on the plane and that was only for 15mins and I kept waking up. I guess I wouldn't call that sleeping...so let's see, that means the last time that I got a full night of sleep was August 31. I woke up at 10AM that morning. This means I haven't slept in 40 hours, plus two hours of timezone change. My eyes hurt, my yawns are big enough to fit an orange in my mouth and yet I'm not sleeping, I haven't slept. Why? I'm so tired...why am I not sleeping? I can turn around right now to my bed and lie down to sleep and yet I'm not doing that. Why? I just want to keep typing, it appears that I don't want to sleep. But I'm exhaughsted! Why don't want to sleep? I must be struggling with something subconsciously but what is it? Maybe I can analyze this. Any theories anyone? Hmm...sleeping would imply resting, turning everything off and completely surrendering my tired body and mind. That's fine, I have no problem doing that. Hmm. I'm starting to get an inkling of a possible reason. It seems pretty far-fetched and almost ridiculous.

From the moment I arrived back in Richmond Hill, I've felt really weird. Everything looks familiar and is where I last left it and yet my vision has been kinda hazzy and blurry all day(although it could just be the smog that covers half of Ontario). When I got home from the airport yesturday, and everyone had gone to bed, I kept walking around my house, looking in every room, opening cupboards and closets, picking things up and setting it back down again. I've lived here for 10 years now and yet I got the feeling that I was walking around a strange new house. Things didn't seem real, still doesn't. It feels like I'm in a dream. Perhaps subconsciously, I wish that this really was a dream, that I'm not really home, that in reality I'm still in Calgary. If I go to sleep, I'll evetually wake up. Once I wake up, the dream is over and I will see that this isn't a dream, that I really am home. So as long as I don't wake up, this house is simply a dream and not real. And by not sleeping, I won't have to wake up!

That's a pretty twisted theory isn't it? Then again, the human mind is full of twisted ideas and reasonings. Maybe I'm just suffering from insomnia (but even that is usually the result of some pyschological stress). At least now I'm good and ready to pull all-nighters for school. Although I don't think I can ever beat my record of not sleeping for 112 hours straight. Too dangerous.

This is silly, I'm going to sleep. It's time to wake up.